Hi Furends, Welcome to my first Tuesdays with Dori after our blog weboot. I'm yoor host, Dori. *wavy paws*
We have a lot of newcomers to our blog, so Welcome. We hope yoo will enjoy our pwogwam, and have a good time.
With our weboot I also got a bwand new look. Something to compliment our move to Flory-Da. So join me in giving my set designer a wound of appaws.
Dori: My co-hosts today are my bwofurs Hwermie (@TattleCat) and Wabbit (@Hermes_LuxuryCat). Recently Wabbit celebwated his third Gotcha Day wif our family. Please join me in concatulating him on making it this far, cuz there are some days when I swear he won’t see dawn of tomorrow.
Rabbit: I’m a handful.
Herman: *grumbling under breath*
Rabbit: Did you say something big brofur?
Herman: I’m not your big brofur.
Herman: *loud growling* Go back to where you came from!
Rabbit: Momma’s room?
Herman: *hissing* She’s not your Momma. She’s my momma!
Rabbit: Mommy. MaMa. Meowmy.
Herman: Stop it.
Rabbit: Ma. Mum. Mummy.
Herman: I swear, little man, if you say Mom one more time, I'm gonna pounce on your floofy tail and--
Rabbit: Motha. Moeder. Mere. Okaasan...
Dori: Excuse me. This is my show. I’m the pwincess, so yoo gotta do what I say. And I want to have a Fwank talk about---
Herman: Wait. Not about… You know. The birds and the bees. He’s too young.
Rabbit: What about the birds and the bees?
Dori: Why did yoo think I was going to talk about sex?
Herman: Because you said you wanted to have a Frank talk.
Rabbit: Is sex something to eat? I’m hungry. Got any meat sticks?
Dori: I meant I wanted to talk about our bwofur Fwank, and give evfurrybuddy an update on his twansgender surgery.
Rabbit: Did you know you have a speech impediment?
Herman: Dori! He didn’t go for surgery to switch genders. Nearly three years ago he almost died from a third urinary blockage in twelve months.
Rabbit: So transgender is about sex?
Herman: No! Well… We aren’t talking about that surgery. We’re talking about how Frank had to undergo an emergency perineal urethrostomy.
Rabbit: Does that have something to do with emergency sex?
Herman: No! Dori-- *pulls at his whiskers with frustration* Let’s talk about Frank’s surgery and how he’s doing nearly three years later.
Dori: Listen Mister Bossy Pants, this is my show. We will talk about what I want to talk about.
Herman: You’re right. I’m sorry. What do you want to talk about.
Dori: Fwank’s surgery and how he’s doing.
Rabbit: Can we talk about sex now?
Herman: Shhh… Adults are talking. Dori, do you remember what happened, right before Frank was rushed to the ER?
Dori: *closes eyes* I wemember it was a Sunday morning. I saw Fwank wrassling Rabbit under Mom’s foots while she was making bweakfast. Then I saw Fwank in the litter box. He was in there a long time.
Herman: What did Mom do?
Dori: She was too busy and didn’t notice at first. Then Fwank took a nap in the fwont window for the afternoon. At dinnertime Mom fed us—
Rabbit: How come I have to eat in the closet?
Herman: Because you’re a feline garbage disposal and will clean our plates before we’re finished eating.
Rabbit: I’m a baby. I’m growing as we speak.
Herman: A baby?!? You're over fifteen pounds. You're bigger than any one of us!
Dori: *opens one eye* I'm still wemembering. *closes eye* After Fwank ate dinner, he went into the litter closet and again, he was in there a weally long time. This time I got Mom’s attention and pointed this out. She hovered over him, but nothing was coming out. When he stepped out, she reached down to feel his bladder and he cried. That’s when Mom rushed him to emergency.
Herman: Dori. You’re a hero.
Dori: I am?
Herman: If you hadn’t pointed out to Mom that Frank was having problems, she might not have noticed until too late. As it was, the emergency vet couldn’t insert a catheter into Frank’s pee-pee because it was blocked. They think maybe from scar tissue from his other two urinary blockages.
Dori: I’m sure any one of us would have told Mom.
Herman: But it was you who did. So what happened after Fwank's surgery?
Dori: *hangs head, mumbling*
Herman: What did you say?
Dori: I said, Fwank turned into an Alien!
Herman: Alien? Where did you hear that?
Dori: *points to Rabbit*
Rabbit: It’s true. I saw him get beamed up to a space ship.
Herman: You did not.
Rabbit: I did so! I even followed him to his Intergalactic space station.
Herman: Rabbit, you are so full of horse puckey.
Rabbit: And you have no sense of humor.
Herman: What? I have a sense of humor.
Rabbit: *raises brows* Sure you do. Not.
Herman: Listen AssRabbit. I was responsible for Wonderpurr.com being a 2017 Blogpaws Nose to Nose Finalist for Best Humor Blog.
Rabbit: Did you win?
Dori: We didn't win.
Rabbit: Because he has no sense of humor.
Herman: Why you little--
Dori: Hwermie. It’s twue about Fwank being an alien. I wemember peeking inside the man cave and I saw him. He had some kind of alien thingy hanging around his neck. I ran when I saw him.
Herman: That’s not an alien thingy. That’s called the Cone of Shame. It’s to stop Frank from licking his stitches. If he licked them, something dire could happen.
Dori: So, Fwank isn’t an alien?
Herman: No. He's still Frank.
Rabbit: I’m bored with this convo. Let’s talk about something funner. Have you seen the Muppet Babies teevee show?
Herman: Dori, did Mom tell you what happened after Frank came home from surgery?
Dori: She told me he wefused to use the litter box. She had shwedded newspaper in there, but yoo know Fwank. He’s a picky pussycat. So Momma called the vet and he said go buy Yesterday’s News litter. It’s at Petco for $20 for a 30 pound bag. But she got the Petco brand, 25 pounds for $12.
Herman: Did Frank use it?
Dori: Of course not! He’s got a weputation to maintain. He wasn’t going to make any of this after surgery stuff easy for Momma.
Herman: So he didn’t go pee pee at all?
Dori: Nope! He’s got a cast iron bladder, you know.
Herman: I’ve heard. So what happened? I saw Mom hustling him out the door the following day.
Dori: When it got to be over 48 hours and he still hadn’t done his bizness, Momma took him all the way back to the surgeon. That meant draping a big blue tarp in the back of the van, and putting a litter box in there along with a woll of papurr toweling.
Rabbit: Is that standard procedure?
Herman: Frank gets very car sick, poor guy.
Dori: But the good news was, he peed and poo’d in the box all the way to the surgeon.
Rabbit: *giggles behind paws*
Herman: What’s so funny?
Rabbit: She said poo.
Herman: So, the vet said Frank was okay after all?
Dori: The vet said he would be a little bloody for a while, but that was normal. He got medicine for the pain, but then, later that night Fwank actually used the News litter box without Mom begging him.
Herman: I recall hearing him around 2AM yowling and scratching at the man cave door.
Dori: Fwank doesn’t like to sleep alone. So Mom went in and curled up with him on the couch until he fell asleep.
Herman: Don't repeat after me.
Rabbit: Don't repeat after me.
Herman: Stop it!
Rabbit: Stop it!
Dori: Stop it both of yoo! Fwank was supposed to go back for a check up after fourteen days, but in the meantime he started to stink weally bad. Momma ended up taking him back ah-gain...and this time the surgeon said his stitches didn't dissolve correctly, and his flesh was rotting.
Rabbit: Cool! Like, is he a Zom now? Will his tail fall off, and his ears?
Herman: Rabbit, Frank's surgery happened in March 2018. If he was a Zom, you would have been eaten by now.
Rabbit: Awww. hekk! Hey, anybuddy want to wrassle? I got energy to burn!
Dori: Not me! Yoo play rough.
Rabbit: What about you, Grampa? Wanna wrassle?
Dori: Wait. What?
Herman: Sure, Rabbit. I’ll wrassle with you. But you said you’re hungry.
Herman: Then I think you should have a snack first. *pulls out a meat stick*
Rabbit: *opens mouth*
Herman: Oh, you can’t eat it here on Dori’s newly designed set. You’ll make a mess. Better you go into the kitchen closet to enjoy your delicious, meaty snack.
Rabbit: *zooms into the closet*
Herman: *tosses meat stick inside and shuts the door. Returns to the set.* So, Dori. Concatulations on the success of your Tuesdays with Dori show. I know this reboot will be just as successful as your show on the demon-possessed, content-eating Wordpress.
Dori: Thank yoo, Hwermie. Are yoo hungwy? *offers meat sticks*
Herman: *takes one* Thank you, Dori.
Rabbit: *shouting inside closet* Grampa! I'm finished. I'm ready to wrassle. Hello? Gram-paaaa!
Dori: Are yoo absolutely sure Fwank isn’t an alien?
Herman: Trust me, honey. Frank isn’t an alien.
Dori: It's been almost three years since Fwank's emergency pee-pee surgery. During that time he has had two bad U.T.I.'s, but no more blockages. Since Fwank was a four-year-old stway man-cat when he came to live with us in 2014, he's been extweamly fortunate that my Momma has made his pee-pee her bizness. The surgery is expensive, but evfurrybuddy knows our Fwank is worth so much more than any dollar amount.
Like Momma says, when yoo wescue someone, yoo agree to take care of them all their lives. Not just when it's convenient and yoo can afford it.
Thank yoo for sharing my Tuesdays posts with yoor furends.
Until next time...