Meet Chill Bill

Hey pals, Rabbit here. You may not know it about me, but I can be a handful, stressing out my pawrents and my older fursibs. Especially when I’m bored, which is like… all the time.

Then one day I found this strange duck sucking on the wall. He called himself Chill Bill. Said he'd come to help me calm the hekk down by providing me with unconditional love like the kind my mother gave me when I was just born. Since I’ve turned my pawrents once-peaceful home upside down by acting out, I gave Chill Bill my attention.

He didn’t ask me to talk about hating my mother because she gave me up for adoption, or my deep regrets for not achieving my dream of buying my own Black Forest Ham farm. He just sucked on the wall plug, filling the air with aromas that made me feel good. Feel loved. I told him I didn’t think anyone in my home loved me except Mom and Dadders. I admitted I was sad because my only friend Dori had a restraining order against me. I haven’t seen her in months. 

Chill Bill listened, and the more he listened, the calmer I felt. Oh I haven’t undergone a personality change. I’m still an AssRabbit. Yesterday I was hell-bent on making Candy run so I could chase her, and I got put in my ZenDen for a time out. And when I was released, I discovered Chill Bill had a twin sucking on another wall plug. I sniffed him and felt the same comforting vibe I'd had with his brother. 

For the rest of the day I hung out with my sibs without making them scream. And that night Chill Bill – or his twin, hard to tell cuz they look alike – joined me in my ZenDen, filling my room with invisible positivity. 

My mom is a cat rescuer and most of my fursibs are seniors, so she’s determined they enjoy their golden years without stress. She was looking at me when she said that, so I guess Stress is my middle name. But Chill Bill reassured me he’s here for the long haul to help me become a friend to my fursibs, and not a foe. 

My new friend Chill Bill fills me with feelings of comfort. I'm a calmer version of my usual chaos-creating self because of Chill Bill and TheraPetMD. You can quote me.

If you need to have a Chill Bill of your own, check out TheraPetMD. This isn’t a paid advertisement. I just wanted to share my success with this product. Stay chill pals.

Guy Appeal

 Hey everybuddy. Rabbit here. Now I don’t mean to start anything, but after taking a deep dive into my social media stats, I got some news that just might change the type of content I post.

 

Up to now I’ve had women in their 40s and 50s following me, so I restrained my antics because you know how women get all fusty over guys doing stuff like acting out, laffing at guy humor, biting their sisters’ necks and looking for trouble. However, as of this past month, men ranging in ages from 13 to 44 dominate my followers at – drumroll please – 76.3%.

I was just reading a report in the NY Post that claims people start losing their sense of humor at age 23, mostly because they’re supposed to be all serious at work.

The report said the average 4-year-old laughs as many as 300 times a day, whereas the average 40-year-old will take two and a half months to log that many chuckles.

I’m thinking most of those 40 year olds are women, chastising their husbands and teenage sons for enjoying inappropriate humor… kinda like I hear my mom doing to my dad when he’s quoting Peter Griffin and Quagmire from Family Guy.

So anyway… Guys… I want to officially welcome you to Team AssRabbit, where its all fun and games, even if you get sent to your room for biting your sister’s neck.

Pee Hiss - My momanager says Hekk will freeze before she turns my account over to Dadders. Sez we are both AssRabbits and the world could not survive two of us.

Diary of an AssRabbit - Regretful Monday

Anybuddy else having a Regretful Monday? Thinking that homegrown catnip I got off of Misty at @Misty.s_World was a bit more potent than I'm used to. Probably her Appalachian Mountain air adds a THC-ish kick we don't get here in Florida.

All I'm saying is... I'd rather regret the things I've done than regret the things I haven't done. Amirite?

PeeEss - bet you checked @ShiteyKitteh's IG didn't you?

Top 10 Irish Insults

Today everyone's favorite AssRabbit is embracing his Turkish-Irish roots with his Top 10 Irish Insults. Of course... what else would you expect from an AssRabbit?

Click the photo to visit Rabbit's on-line diary blog - Diary of an AssRabbit.

And if you are Irish... brace yourself.

Also wishing Gidget a Happy Gotchaversary today. Check out her green eyes.

 

Stunning Revelation for Christmas

 Big News! Here I've been killing myself trying to get on to Santa's Nice List, when all the while... I've been a Shoe-In!

Dear Monday - You Are Hereby Cancelled

Dear Monday: You are hereby given notice to leave the premises immediately and not return. 

So far you are being blamed for Daddy stepping in a Gidget-gross hairball first step out of bed. 

You are also to blame for crows tearing apart the trash bags on the curb shortly after my Dadders put them out.

You made Momma spill 95% of her breakfast shake, making a mess of epic proportions. Plus she had used the last of her strawberries and was devastated. 

Also, the gooey drink dripped over the counter into the drawers, as well as soaked her shoes and shorts. Not a good look, I assure you. 

Seek First to Understand

 Dear Diary – While lounging in my momanager’s lap this weekend, I demanded she pay attention to me instead of the book she was reading. She told me, “After I finish this chapter about Seek First to Understand.”

“What’s that mean?”

“Essentially, it implies that you become more interested in understanding others, and less in having other people understand you. If you want fulfilling communication that benefits you and others, understanding others must come first.”

To which I replied…

“Pffft! I’m a cat. I’m all about me.”

Cellmates, Farewells and Name Changes

 ​Dear Diary​ -

This morning around 4 am I was shocked and delighted to see Mom thrust Frank into my ZenDen with me. 

As Frank tells it, he had a strong urge to harass Jesse the Toothless Wonder, and chased the dude up over the refrigerator into the loft. There Jesse screamed like a Drama Queen. 

Side note: although not having a single tooth in his mouth, his scream carries amazingly strong throughout the house, and directly into Mom's ears, despite her being relatively comatose.

I later overheard Mom tell Dadders that she'd spent the worst night ever, what with Peaches insisting on draping herself over her legs, and Dori sitting beside her head, tickling her with her whiskers, licking her face, and wiping her wet nose on her cheek. So when Jesse screamed "HAAALP," that was the final straw.

Hot Air Affair - Date with Baunilha

 Dear Diary,

My Zoo Boo Date with Baunilha kinda freaked her out. I thought it was a blast, what with the winged monkey and the tigerkeet, but hey. I'm a guy. Us guys have different ideas about what's fun to do on a date. Clearly, since she's refused to go out with me since Octopurr.

I hate to say it, but I had to beg. Even writing the word makes my sphincter clench. It goes against my reputation as an awesome AssRabbit, But Dori said begging is a part of dating, and Mom agreed.

Birthday Date with Baunilha

 

 Dear Diary,

It all started when my furend Baunilha said she didn't have a special birthday celebration:

I knew Baunilha from Instagram. She's part of the @CacauBaunilhaSul family. They live in Portugal.  Their names translate into English as Cocoa, Vanilla and South. 

Naughty but Nice Magazine Covers - Part 2

 

Hey evfurryone, it's me Rabbit, back with more Naughty but Nice magazine covers for those who entered my Golden AssRabbit Awards contest. There was some really great competition this year, but I have a feeling next year's contest is going to dig even deeper into the diary's of some Bad Furs. Here are the magazine covers for the remaining Naughty but Nice category:

2021 GOLDEN ASSRABBIT AWARD CEREMONY

 

Welcome to the 1st Golden AssRabbit Awards ceremony. I'm your host, Rabbit aka Hermes_LuxuryCat on Instagram. I'm also the Original #AssRabbit <- note my hashtag. I never go anywhere without it.

When I put out the call for nominations, I never expected this much competition. We had a total of twenty-three Bad Furs send in their stories. So many great stories that me and my momanager realized quickly that there was no way in hekk that we could choose just one Golden AssRabbit.

Okay, simmer down. I know you're anxious to know who the winners are, but I gotta tell my story. No fair scrolling down. Just WAIT FOR IT! Sheesh.

1st Annual Golden AssRabbit Awards

 

Hey, pals! It's me Rabbit, aka The Original AssRabbit. When my mom asked what I wanted to do for my 4th Birthday (on August 21st) I said I wanted to host a contest to celebrate my  furends caught being naughty. So we launched the 1st Annual Golden AssRabbit Awards.

BATHROOM JAIL

Dear Diary, Today is the 21st. One month to my 4th birthday. It seems like yesterday when I arrived at my Forever Home, filled with all these gullible house cats. You would think after almost three years and eleven months they would have a clue about my sense of humor. Alas, compared to my superior Turkish Van DNA, their intelligence is right up there with field mice. Especially my precious little DoriDeer. She believes every word I say, and then goes running to Mom to blame me for tricking her. 

NO RESPECT FOR THIS ASSRABBIT

Dear Diary,

I had big plans for a nice week, but for some reason my game was off. It's not like I take enjoyment out of creating stress for my fursibs, but ... ya know... sometimes things happen. I can't help that I live with a bunch of overly sensitive, geriatric wusses. They were all once young and bouncy like me.

The Softer Side of Rabbit

 

Dear Diary,

I have a Deep 'n Dark Confession to... um... confess. 

Here it is, another #WickedCatWednesday, but it's getting kinda hard to keep up my AssRabbit image. 

Hey, I know my Fans expect to see me jump on Dori's back and bite her neck. They expect me to steal noms from my geriatric fursibs, and they expect me to knock stuff off the counter. They expect me to have a total lack of impulse control, Livin la Vida Loca, AssRabbit style.

Rabbit Has a Nightmare

Dear Diary,

I recently had the worst nightmare ever. The reason why I'm even bothering to write about this is because... usually... I'm the nightmare someone else is writing about in their diary.

It all began after I'd enjoyed a particularly nice afternoon. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping... Opie hit a new decibel screaming cuz I'd dared to look at him. Seriously, the Ginger Wuss doesn't need anything more from me than a side glance to get his tiny tail all knotted with stress... which I actually take as a compliment. His hissy fit came on the heels of Dori complaining to Mom that she didn't appreciate me putting the bitey on her neck without first asking. 

The Primal Habits of Humans

Dear Diary: 

You wouldn't think cats would be bothered by Mondays, but the truth is, we notice the primal habits of our hoomons change with the start of the week. Fur instance, Monday is trash day. The truck arrives at the Crack of Dawn, and unless Dadders rolls outta bed before that dawn cracks, we all get to enjoy our garbage for another three days. And let me reassure you, our household makes more garbage than ANY other house on our block. 

First Feline Astro-Nut in Space

Dear Diary: 

Yesterday my pawrents escaped before breakfast. In fact, it was so dark outside, I was still asleep in my Zen Den. Oddly, they returned about an hour later and went back to bed. I asked my Mom what the Friskies that was all about, and she told me she and Dadders went to watch the SpaceX launch down at the beach. That got me to thinking... Instead of being a DoriDeer wrangler, or a Ninja kitteh hunting Opipotomuses... What if I decided to be an Astro-Nut when I grow up? I bet being a pawfessional Astro-Nut would be really fun. I'd make headlines around the world as the First Feline Astro-Nut in Space!

HERE I AM IN MY SPACE ROCKET, GETTING READY TO LAUNCH.

COOL AS A CUCUMBER. NOT NERVOUS AT ALL.

5

4

3

2

1

Breakfast with Bambi

 

Dear Diary,

This past week me and my Dad were hanging out in the Catio when suddenly, we realized we were being spied on. Yah, it was kinda creepy, looking up to see someone staring back at us. Like we were invading their purrsonal space.

Anyway, Daddy grabbed his phone and started shooting. He's been watching Mom shoot vids and thought he could be creative too. Well, he shot three vids and ... Mom took them and had to cut and paste in order to make it look smoother than the roller coaster ride Daddy shot. 

But hey! My Dad is trying really hard. You know he's retired now, and I guess being retired means his brain cells get to chillax and just go with the flow.

So, here is the video me and my Dad shot. Hope you enjoy!

Be sure to let us know what you think of our mew-vee by Commenting below.

Until next time, simmer the hekk down. And remember... 

Life is too short to live by rules.

xoxo AssRabbit