Dear Mister Governor DeSantis,
I hope yoo and Mrs. Governor DeSantis, and all the little Governor DeSantis's had a nice Christmas and New Year. Concatulations on being rehired for yoor job. I had plans to vote for yoo, but I was turned away at the polling place because my rabies license was not good enough of an identification. They did, however, give me ear scritches and one lady had a bag of treats in her purse reserved for when she meets stray kitties. Not that I am a stray. I'm legal.
I recently learned yoo were born in Jacksonville. My pawrents lived there when they were newly married. They had an ice cream shoppe called Sasparilla’s. Maybe yoo went there after going to the movies. Do yoo remember what yoo ordered? Yoo look like the type who would order a banana split.
Anyway, my pawrents left the state when they came to their senses, but then Daddy talked Momma into moving back. For how long depends on yoor answers to my concerns about living in FloryDa.
My momma has severe weather phobias and was upset that in the two years we have lived here there has been abnormally high hoomiditty that makes her hair frizz and her knees ache. Plus, the two hurrycanes ripped a hole in my Catio roof. I could not go outside to play for weeks because hungry owls were sitting in the trees overhead licking their lips when they saw me. I am pwetty, but apparently I'm also delicious. Also the hurrycanes stole the ‘lectricity so our noms spoil. Well, not my noms, but Momma’s chicken had to be thrown out, and so did Daddy’s ice cream.
Then Daddy caught the Chinese virus after he went to pool Zumba and all the ladies surrounded him because he was the only man there, and one of them was infected -- at least that’s what Daddy told Momma after he shared it with her. She was not at all grateful, let me tell yoo.
And then FloryDa had the coldest freeze in thirty years, and it killed Daddy’s delicate yard plants. The banana plants are dead, Mister Governor, so there are no chances of my pawrents making yoo another banana split. Sorry!
My question is, as Governor, can yoo please stop hoomiditty and freezing from happening again this year? Also, if yoo need to schedule another hurrycane for reasons I may not understand, please call me so I can tell my pawrents and we can move before it arrives. Actually, I don't have a phone, but I have Instagwam and yoo can DM me at @Adorapurr.
Oh! And one more thing: the price of eggs is ridiculously high. I don’t think anything coming out of a chicken’s butt should cost more than a banana split at Dairy Queen. Please stop this nonsense because if prices are high on what comes out of their butts, the next thing yoo know, the actual chicken will be overpriced and there goes my chances of getting Momma to order me my very own supply of chicken Churu’s. If that happens, I will have to write yoo a strongly worded letter and maybe even not vote for yoo next time, even with the lure of treats inside the polling lady’s purse.
Thank yoo Mister Governor. I believe I’ve covered everything I needed to address.
Oh wait! I almost forgot the real reason I am writing to yoo. We missed the last two episodes of 1923. Could yoo please rerun them at my house so we can catch up? Thank yoo.
Friends, just wonderpurring... if yoo wanted to say something to Mister Governor DeSantis, what would that be?
Also, is there anybuddy yoo need me to write a letter to? Just let me know. I got a new laptop from Grandpa Santa and I'm anxious to let evfurryone know my opinion. Love, Dori
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