THE GOLDEN ASSRABBIT AWARD NOMINATION BIOGRAPHIES

You know how "they" say it's lonely at the top? Well, it's also lonely being the only AssRabbit in my house. 

All my fursibs are so goodie goodie. It's exhausting for me to keep the atmosphere charged with HD and NE. That's High Drama and Negative Energy to those of you not living with a purebred AssRabbit.

Anyway, I thought since I crave acknowledgement for bad behavior, I figured there are other furs out there who also needed to be recognized. Thus, I created the (drum roll please)

1st Annual Golden AssRabbit Awards

 

Hey, pals! It's me Rabbit, aka The Original AssRabbit. When my mom asked what I wanted to do for my 4th Birthday (on August 21st) I said I wanted to host a contest to celebrate my  furends caught being naughty. So we launched the 1st Annual Golden AssRabbit Awards.

BATHROOM JAIL

Dear Diary, Today is the 21st. One month to my 4th birthday. It seems like yesterday when I arrived at my Forever Home, filled with all these gullible house cats. You would think after almost three years and eleven months they would have a clue about my sense of humor. Alas, compared to my superior Turkish Van DNA, their intelligence is right up there with field mice. Especially my precious little DoriDeer. She believes every word I say, and then goes running to Mom to blame me for tricking her. 

BOX HOG

 Dear Diary, 

Why am I always made out to be the villain? Okay, so maybe I can be a bit more enthusiastic about life. I'm almost four, and every day is a new oppurrrtoo
nity for a great adventure.

Like today. Mom bought some cool triangle boxes. What a great idea! They felt amazing under my paws. Fresh and unique. Cool and comfortapurr.  All I wanted was to enjoy these new boxes, but then along comes Miss Bweaking Nooz repurrtor Dori, and next thing I know, my plans to enjoy these boxes turns into a big deal. 

I'm thinking Dori and the Gang make stuff a Big Deal just because I saw it first. Pffft!

NO RESPECT FOR THIS ASSRABBIT

Dear Diary,

I had big plans for a nice week, but for some reason my game was off. It's not like I take enjoyment out of creating stress for my fursibs, but ... ya know... sometimes things happen. I can't help that I live with a bunch of overly sensitive, geriatric wusses. They were all once young and bouncy like me.

The Softer Side of Rabbit

 

Dear Diary,

I have a Deep 'n Dark Confession to... um... confess. 

Here it is, another #WickedCatWednesday, but it's getting kinda hard to keep up my AssRabbit image. 

Hey, I know my Fans expect to see me jump on Dori's back and bite her neck. They expect me to steal noms from my geriatric fursibs, and they expect me to knock stuff off the counter. They expect me to have a total lack of impulse control, Livin la Vida Loca, AssRabbit style.

Rabbit Has a Nightmare

Dear Diary,

I recently had the worst nightmare ever. The reason why I'm even bothering to write about this is because... usually... I'm the nightmare someone else is writing about in their diary.

It all began after I'd enjoyed a particularly nice afternoon. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping... Opie hit a new decibel screaming cuz I'd dared to look at him. Seriously, the Ginger Wuss doesn't need anything more from me than a side glance to get his tiny tail all knotted with stress... which I actually take as a compliment. His hissy fit came on the heels of Dori complaining to Mom that she didn't appreciate me putting the bitey on her neck without first asking. 

The Primal Habits of Humans

Dear Diary: 

You wouldn't think cats would be bothered by Mondays, but the truth is, we notice the primal habits of our hoomons change with the start of the week. Fur instance, Monday is trash day. The truck arrives at the Crack of Dawn, and unless Dadders rolls outta bed before that dawn cracks, we all get to enjoy our garbage for another three days. And let me reassure you, our household makes more garbage than ANY other house on our block. 

Purrson of the Year

 

Hey evfurryone, it's me, Rabbit. I wanted to share with you the wonderpurr tribute Time did on me, calling me Purrson of the Year. And the year is only five months old! I can't imagine what adoray-shuns and triboo-layshuns will be stowed on me by year end. But I'm a humble guy and take all this fame and worshipping fans in stride. I understand a pawtrait is being done of me in all my glorious Turkish Vanglory. I bet that pawtrait ends up on a billboard over Times Square or even Hollywood, and hoomons gather around to stare, taking pikchures and whispurring among themselves how envious they are that they don't live with me.

Yah, I can't wait to see my awards pawtrait and share it with all of you.

Artist used PicsArt using Distortion and White Ice filter.

First Feline Astro-Nut in Space

Dear Diary: 

Yesterday my pawrents escaped before breakfast. In fact, it was so dark outside, I was still asleep in my Zen Den. Oddly, they returned about an hour later and went back to bed. I asked my Mom what the Friskies that was all about, and she told me she and Dadders went to watch the SpaceX launch down at the beach. That got me to thinking... Instead of being a DoriDeer wrangler, or a Ninja kitteh hunting Opipotomuses... What if I decided to be an Astro-Nut when I grow up? I bet being a pawfessional Astro-Nut would be really fun. I'd make headlines around the world as the First Feline Astro-Nut in Space!

HERE I AM IN MY SPACE ROCKET, GETTING READY TO LAUNCH.

COOL AS A CUCUMBER. NOT NERVOUS AT ALL.

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Breakfast with Bambi

 

Dear Diary,

This past week me and my Dad were hanging out in the Catio when suddenly, we realized we were being spied on. Yah, it was kinda creepy, looking up to see someone staring back at us. Like we were invading their purrsonal space.

Anyway, Daddy grabbed his phone and started shooting. He's been watching Mom shoot vids and thought he could be creative too. Well, he shot three vids and ... Mom took them and had to cut and paste in order to make it look smoother than the roller coaster ride Daddy shot. 

But hey! My Dad is trying really hard. You know he's retired now, and I guess being retired means his brain cells get to chillax and just go with the flow.

So, here is the video me and my Dad shot. Hope you enjoy!

Be sure to let us know what you think of our mew-vee by Commenting below.

Until next time, simmer the hekk down. And remember... 

Life is too short to live by rules.

xoxo AssRabbit