Friday, August 13, 2021

THE GOLDEN ASSRABBIT AWARD NOMINATION BIOGRAPHIES


You know how "they" say it's lonely at the top? Well, it's also lonely being the only AssRabbit in my house. 

All my fursibs are so goodie goodie. It's exhausting for me to keep the atmosphere charged with HD and NE. That's High Drama and Negative Energy to those of you not living with a purebred AssRabbit.

Anyway, I thought since I crave acknowledgement for bad behavior, I figured there are other furs out there who also needed to be recognized. Thus, I created the (drum roll please)

The response has been overwhelming. More than I ever anticipated. I'm so pleased to see kindred spirits out there wanting their own bad selves to be cheered and revered.

With the Nominations now Closed as of Friday August 13th at 6p.m., we have asked three unidentified judges to read the Nomination Bios and divide them into three categories based on my Supurr Doopurr AssRabbit Stress-O-Meter:

The Final Nomination List under each Category will be published here on Wonderpurr.com at 9am EST on Monday, August 16th

That’s when Voting starts: Monday, August 16th and ends Wednesday August 18th at 6p.m. EST. 

Details will follow as to how you will cast your votes.

But for now, please join me in celebrating our fellow Furs, as they express in their own words why they feel they are qualified to be the winner of the

1st Annual Golden AssRabbit Awards:


THESE FINAL NOMINATIONS ARE IN NO PAWTICKULAR ORDER:

@ChessieTheTripodCat
aka Chessie Pouncival Ravenpaw


The more my hoomons tell me NO, the more I want to do it. I may be smart and sneaky, but I still get busted. Good thing I’ve got a cute face and misleadingly innocent eyes to help me get away with it. My qualifications are as follows: Photo 1: Caught in the act, looking for an oppurrtunity to push the heat convector off its stand just for the heck of it. 

Photo 2:Busted (again). Trying to steal milkcake (an Indian sweet made from milk and cream that I like but my hoomans rarely let me eat) from the box in the pantry in the middle of the night. What can I say? I have a sweet tooth.

Photo 3: This is one of my hiding spots near the hallway where I like to sit and wait for the hoomans to walk by so I can casually put out my paw and trip them. The hoomans tried, more than once, to switch its place. But everytime they move it, I meow my disapproval constantly and be all melodramatic until they are forced to put it back where I want it. So now they all literally have to look out every single time before crossing the hallway, much like crossing a road, even when they are in a hurry coz they know I’d be there…with my eyes glinting with mischief

@FarfelsTheGamblingCat 
aka Farfie

I’ve been naughty lately and giving my pawrents a run for their money. I say I’m preparing them for the baby. I have been waking my parents up at 2:30, 3:30 and 5am for cuddles. I usually scream at them from outside their door, or I jump up on the dresser and play patty cake with myself, banging the mirror against the wall. I also do the same to the laundry room door, or any other door around. My mom picks me up and brings me into bed where I demand hugs and cuddles, and for her to scratch me under my chin until I’m satisfied, which usually takes half an hour. Then I let her sleep again for a couple of hours. I also demand to get my breakfast promptly. My mom leaves me kibble as snacks, but that’s not breakfast. She needs to get up and feed me.


@MarleyTheFluffaloSoldier 
aka Marley



The Cat Burglar - When Marley was a kitten, before we got wise, he would break into the treat cabinet to steal the treats. CatMom and CatDad blamed each other for leaving it open until we realized he could open the cabinet and open the drawers. He also would sneak into the dresser drawers to roll around in the unmentionables, smearing his fur onto everything. That’s how he was ultimately busted. CatMom knew CatDad didn’t smear orange fur onto those things.




@JuniWookieeandStevie 
aka Juno the JackRussellTerrorist

Here I am “petting” my brother Morgan. I’m not trying to strangle him or anything like that – for realz.


@RockythePenniped nominated his brofur Sebastian


Rocky Pinniped nominates Sebastian for knocking down fly strip, getting it wrapped in his tail fur, running laps through the house, biting Mama when she removed it, and then trying to suffocate Mama in her sleep for having trimmed his tail fur.










Gabby who owns @LibbyW85


Gabby is nominated for the crime of climbing into the dropped ceiling in the basement, and then playing “catch me if you can.” 

Her Dad was worried she would venture into the other part of the basement that has a regular, solid ceiling. 

Gabby learned some new words that evening.


@Sven_TurkishVan
aka Sven




I can NEVER find my hairbrush. Sven steals it almost daily. He hides it under my bed, in the cupboard and sometimes I find it in the cat tower. He tends to try to eat it, and if I try to remove it from him, he will just steal it back at some point.




@LollyCatRex
aka Lolly

Prince sat in my favorite bed… Need I say more? Also, I bit grandma because she pet me “the wrong way.”


@ItsMeKevin_TheCat 
aka Kevin

Twice she needed stitches. Once she got so infected by my love scratches and bites, she went on antibiotics for a month.

Jazzy_Jazz_And_The_Furry_Bunch
aka Jazzy

I absolutely did not contribute to the destruction of Mum’s Ugg boots.


@KingMiles2018
aka Miles

Furriends, Mom and I are upset and it is all her fault. I did nothing wrong!

While handling Husky and Bailey Butt Biter (my newest fursib) for their crazy zoomies, I snuck out the back door. Likely, when Mom was telling them to take it outside while holding the door open.

Mom got the dogs out, then proceeded to put the couch in an upright position, since it had been knocked over and was on its back. I'm telling ya, there is good time pawty here every day!

Willow came out and started asking for treats (obviously to tell on me - snitch!) which is when Mom realized I was missing. I am ALWAYS ready for a treat.

Needless to say Mom was freaking the fluff out, while looking for me. She was terrified at the varying prospects of things going terribly wrong for me.

Fortunately, Mom found me hiding in the bushes, meowing at her, she grabbed me and took me inside. She was grateful, relieved, but oddly upset. I was out for 10 minutes, but it seemed like forever to her. She claims anything could have happened to me, especially since it was dark. I will admit it was scary for me too, so I immediately went to my favorite bed to rest.

So that was heart attack number 100,000,000+ for Mom, caused by me. But it wasn't intentional I just wanted to explore and don't understand why she doesn't approve. Something about cars, coyotes, getting sick or lost, blah, blah, blah!

Mom declared she must put me in another room when she lets the dogs out. Pfft. What is the fun in that? Mom is still shaken by it and feels awful she didn't immediately notice I was out.

@Misty.s_World
aka Misty


I am an artist. My project was once a living room chair which I have been meticulously, albeit slowly, carving into a work of art. At the time of the above photo I had been working on it for three years. Now a year and a half later, I'm still not finished. I'm committed to purrfection and I just can't stop until I believe it expresses exactly what I want to say. Or... until it completely falls apart. My uncultured pawrents do not appreciate fine art, and they suppress my creative genius at every opportunity. In the above photo you can see me chiseling away at my masterpiece, actively expressing my inner feelings, which are quite often merely an innate desire to destroy.

In the below photo, my pawrents have walked in on me and completely shattered my motivation. Knowing it's useless to explain Art to them, I simply say that the chair was this way when I got here, and blame it on the decay of modern society. Because of my adorableness and their naivete, it always works.

@MyBoyKeif
aka Keif

I “hide” behind things to jump out and pounce on my sisfur, Lucky. She hates it. When I get her, she yells very loudly and growls at me. It just makes me keep trying!


@PretzelKitteh
Peanut
Dis doo be ma entry into da mazing #assrabbit awards. Here is me showing ah is da mazing hunter and fighter. Ma favourite going to doos is bring mama da mousie at about 2am and lets it go in da bedroom so she can gets her cardio in.


 Ah also likes to make sure ma mama and papa gets Dee protein regularly. As you can see ah offers da wide range of proteins for der delictations.



Ah also add cute pictures of me being adorable and helps mama werks, to shows off ma softer sider because ah is da Kitteh wiv da depth of character.

@MarshmallowPaw
aka
Marshmallow
If I am not allowed on the rooftop, I will pee on the floor or on Meowmy’s stuff. I peed on her bag and wanted her to take it with her to work. Unfortunately, it was a holiday, so she washed it. Next time I will check the calendar to make sure there are no days off. Meowmy also got a new food bag that she hid so well inside bags and put heavy stuff on it so I could not know what it is. She woke up at the sound of me, pushing the heave stuff, found my way to open the cardboard box, open the cat food bag and eat. My food bowl was not empty.

Also, I once stole the treats bag. Meowmy caught me in the act, and I ran under the bed to eat them. I don’t know why she says I only get two small pieces per day while the bag is full.
Recently Meowmy was too lazy to hide a small food bag. She put it high inside the closet. She woke up when she heard me pulling the bag down, with the food clattering all over the room floor. In addition to cat art, I’m also good at artistic bloody scratches on her hands while playing.
I went for a walk on a leash, but broke off when I saw the Lady Cat Neighbor. I pulled so hard on the leash, it opened and I broke free. My meowmy thought it was the last time she would ever see me. While she was shaking with fear, I decided to relax under an ATV. When Meowmy pulled me out, I was black from the car dirt and oil.

This is my Mug Shot

My baddest story is when Meowmy thought I’d died. I entered somewhere on the rooftop where there is dead space nine floors high. Turns out there are two openings, and I entered the first, and exited the second. I also escaped the house three or four times. The first time a neighbor knocked on our door asking “Do you have a big white cat? He is lost on the stairs.” The second and third times, I went to the rooftop alone and stayed there without anyone knowing. The fourth time I went to the rooftop alone by escaping home but this time I decided to sit on the stairs to be seen by my parents.

@Boo_Bella_Tigger
aka Tigger
It’s monsoon season in Arizona, with rain, rain, and more rain along with lightning and Noah’s Ark rounding the corner. Well, around midnight Mom couldn’t find me since I wasn’t in her bed or any of the other beds. She got DadCat up and they both went outside in the pouring drain to look for me, with thunder and lightning flashing and wind blowing so hard the wicker furniture blew over. They were calling and calling for me, and I wasn’t answering. Mom then returned inside, bawling like a baby. She decides to call the Fire Department. And while she’s dialing 911 and crying, she happens to look up and… lo and behold! There I am perched on the top of the breakfast nook valance. I had a great view of them outside in the storm looking for me. Mom yells, “John, get in here” and since she’s still on the phone with the Fire Department, they think something horrible is happening. Especially when she hangs up on them. So, the Fire Department dispatches the big red hook and ladder, as well as a police car and an ambulance…all because Mom hung up on them. Since we live only three blocks from the Fire Station, they could probably hear her screaming bloody murder over the phone and down the street. Good thing our taxes covered all that public servant response.


@Chef_Aussie_Angel
aka Chef Angel


Well, apparently I did a bad thing. Humanz gave me a nice bowl of the best nip ever! Probably because I'm always cheffing for them, creating exquisite cuisine. Anyway, the nip was really Primo, and I enjoyed a hearty sniff. As it was my night off from cheffing, my Humanz turned their attention to making dinner. The trouble started when they saw me squatting over the nip bowl. Hey, I had to wee! What a big fuss they made. Like they're never ever wee'd in a bowl of nip themselves. So now I'm not allowed around nip unattended. I don't know what the big deal is. So I wee wee'd in the nip. Phfffft!

@Pufinopolous
aka Pufin


I love to leap and get zoomies daily. When the family leaves the windows open, I leap into them to smell the air and maybe kill a bug. Frequently, I forget Meowm is in bed and will jump on her face, scare her aware and sometimes give a little scratch. What can I say? I love an open window.

 One day I encouraged my little brother to jump up too. I gave him a nudge. Meowm says a push. Well, the screen broke, and he flew two stories down to the ground. He never told me he could fly. Anyway, I got grounded, and earned the name Demon Hell Spawn. *takes bow*




@Momo_Fluffypants
aka Max


I can fly, you know. Meowmy even gave me wings, but I really don’t need those. I once was about to show her and had stepped through the railing of our balcony on the 11th floor. There is a 1 inch ledge, not big enough for big brother Mo, but purrfect for me. I felt so free! Then I remembered there is grass down below. I don’t like grass underneath my feet. Not worth it. So, I walked back through the railing. Meowmy looked white like my fur. Not sure why.

@Momo_Fluffypants
aka Momo


Hi Wabbit. You may have your DoriDeer, but I have my majestic fangs plunged deep into our Christmas deer, my brofur Max, and any stuffed animal that crosses my path. But my biggest, most baddest skill (which drives Meowmy to insanity I’m happy to say) are my escapes. Not escapes like Max who hides and giggles in kitchen cabinets. Pa-leez! I do REAL escapes. Like the neighbor’s balcony. The view is so much better there. I’ve also inspected almost all other apartments on my floor. How? Very simple: I sit in front of a door. When door opens, I melt their soul with my sweet eyes. There you go! 

@GingyPaws
aka Gingy


My contribution to this contest is … Bringing in semi-dead prey and dropping it on a sleeping guest’s head in the middle of the night. Seriously… I thought they might want a midnight snack.

@Timmy_Tomcat
Rumpy Bump Stumpnots
Rabbit my man cat. So glad you reminded me. I had a day of it laying on the windowsill. Taking an extra nap just because. Waiting for Dad to make dinner! Bizy Bizy Bizy. Oh yeah, backstory. I have been sick, dying really (True as fish Dad did not think I would make winter), for the past year or more and the new vet turned that around and I feel like I am 9 again! Yeah baby, I'm back! No Asthma A-Tacks A-Toll. Yee Haw!This is a true story of me being my kindly self. The bed has had our sleeping spots staked out since there were dinosaur cats. I sleep on the bottom left, Fitz the bottom Right, Toby cuddled with Dad's leg kinda left middle and Einstein middle kinda right. That is where Dad puts his little suckle blankie. Can you believe a 6-year-old suckling? Yeah, real Man Cat there, fella! Anyhow, that sets the stage.

So, Dad was reading, and I was sleeping. I awoke feeling kindly towards my kin. I proceeded to visit Ms Fitz. I stood (Dad says I was Looming. Can you imagine? Looming MOL) over her but she was sound asleep. I prodded her, very gently I may add, whereupon she took offense, stood, and proceeded to give me her quick paw jab. OK, maybe 3 as they are super-fast. Really rude right! But she is a lightweight, me a heavyweight. Two whaps and it's over, she turns tail and... I mean she leaves.

Dad says "RUMPY" recognizing my skill. I walk over to my spot. I then circle clockwise to the suckle kid who is curled asleep. I could feel the mental vibrations from him: "I. Want. To. Play. Now." So, I jumped on him, and we started wrestling. Can you believe after I took time to play with him, he did a Bitey on me? He has a zoom-fast-snake-head-zip-forward Bitey. Einstein, dood, I have Floof, thick Floof. I Bitey Back. He whaps. I whap. Him, I did Loom on. I mean. The Nerve! He leaves post haste.

Smart. Dad says "RUMPY WHAT ARE YOU DOING." He is curious. He wants to know so he can tell me to do it again. So, Toby was awake by now and as I went close, to give him a manly man cat hug mind you, he gave me his Big Hiss. Now Toby is a man cats man cat. His Hiss curls paint off the walls, melts ice, is the thing kittens wake Mom over. So, I amble over, and I get the WHAP! Not a Miss Fitz jab, jab, jab but a WHAP with Claws. Owchie. I admit, I flinched. I squinted. You would too, but I am bigger, younger, and dumber smarter!

"I was just going to give you a hug" I meow. This throws him off his timing and as he looks at me with a "Huh?" I give him a big overhead Whap ducking back and squinting, just in case he has another one in him. Nope, he Jets. Dad just stares in awe at how amazing I am. He gives me the nose tap of appreciation. Twice! Guess who got to lay on Dad's leg, this guy! Rumpy Bump Stumpnots

Dad: "Rumpy that's not what happened. You just walked around the bed whapping everyone in turn! You are an Ass-Hat"

Rumpy: Ahh, but my version has Panache! O old one! MOL!


@Kitties.Blue
Sawyer
I am not really a bad cat. I would say that I am inconsiderate and thoughtless. I am not even certain my humans would call me bad. They would probably go with naughty. Naughty enough to earn me the nickname of “shit head.” 

It all started when I decided to take a little walkabout around the neighborhood. When I turned around and looked at Mom with an expression that screamed, “neener, neener,” and then went poof and disappeared, I should have suspected right away that I would be in trouble. But wanderlust had taken hold, and I was off on an epic adventure. 

That epic adventure lasted three-and-a-half weeks, but I had no idea. I can tell time. I know exactly when to show up for my meals and treats, but the passage of time is pretty much beyond my comprehension. I discovered that I have a really terrible sense of direction as well. 

I had wandered a mile away in the opposite direction from where I had started. I do know I got darn hungry and when someone started putting treats and stinky goodness along the sidewalk near the house where I had been spotted, I couldn’t help myself. It took a couple of hours, but finally I started to sneak out of the shadows, have a few nibbles then hide again. 

Eventually I saw who had placed the bowls as she kept moving them closer to where she was waiting. When I realized it was my mom, I started letting her get a bit closer each time before I would run off again. Finally, I let her sit down right next to me. She talked to me and let me smell her fingers. But I did not jump into her arms or lap or make any move to let her know I was happy to see her. After a long chat by her, she grabbed me. It was then I realized she wasn’t just bringing me food so I could continue my adventure. She was catnapping me. 

I guess that is when I turned from naughty to BAD! I hollered and growled and snarled and hissed. I bit her over and over again until she got my head wrapped up in her t-shirt. I clawed her and scratched her until her clothes were covered in blood, but she didn’t let go. I was so mad, especially when she got to the car, wrapped me up in a towel and stuffed me in the PTU. I was certain I would suffocate, and I made her worry. I never make a peep when I am in a PTU on the way to and from the vet. And I didn’t make a peep on the way home. She even jostled the PTU to see if I would move. I did. I shouldn’t have. 

The amazing thing occurred when I got home: I didn’t get any punishment any more than I had been by that rough capture and transport. I did have to start taking my meds again. I also was sequestered in the bathroom and then in our large, portable, pop-up enclosure until I could see the vet. I got lots and lots of stinky goodness and treats, as I did lose a lot of weight. Though I was the one who was naughty, I have forgiven my mom for her grabby hands. Before my adventure, I slept next to my dad 90 percent of the time. Now I am sleeping glued to my mom’s side. And I am letting her give me the kisses on my head that she likes. I guess I am finally glad to be home. The catio, four squares a day, treats, toys and the companionship are pretty nice. I can’t say I won’t be bad, naughty, thoughtless or inconsiderate anytime in the future. I am a cat after all. 

Hey, Pals! It's me, Rabbit. Hope you enjoyed reading all about the Bad Cats of Instagrams. Who among them could grab the Golden AssRabbit for their very own? Be sure to return here on Monday when the Voting Begins!


Until then


7 comments:

  1. WOW, the competition is fierce, who knew?!?!

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  2. Unbelievable. We had no idea so many naughty cats were lurking on Instagram. And surprisingly we noticed there are more than a few other Turkish Vans! Hmmmm. Who will win? Can’t wait to find out. Hugs and scratches, Sawyer

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  3. Oh My Cod I never thought, in a bazillion years, there would be such stiff competition. I think I still have a good shot and it will be really fun to see how we all shake out into Cat-agories. May the best worst cat win. As long as its ME!
    Rumpy Bump Stumpnots

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  4. PS I'm a purebred American Bobtail without the stubby tail hence, Rumpy! Yeah

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  5. Goodness Gracious! I did not know there were cats out there as bad as me! Mom won't put me on Instagram...she says the blog is enough, or I would have been in here like you would not believe! We are impressed and we are going to see then all! This is terrific!

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  6. Rabbit, this has become an incredibly good idea!!! Xoxoxo

    ReplyDelete

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