Dear Mister Governor DeSantis

Dear Mister Governor DeSantis,

I hope yoo and Mrs. Governor DeSantis, and all the little Governor DeSantis's had a nice Christmas and New Year. Concatulations on being rehired for yoor job. I had plans to vote for yoo, but I was turned away at the polling place because my rabies license was not good enough of an identification. They did, however, give me ear scritches and one lady had a bag of treats in her purse reserved for when she meets stray kitties. Not that I am a stray. I'm legal.

I recently learned yoo were born in Jacksonville. My pawrents lived there when they were newly married. They had an ice cream shoppe called Sasparilla’s. Maybe yoo went there after going to the movies. Do yoo remember what yoo ordered? Yoo look like the type who would order a banana split.

Making Room on Santa's Nice List

 

Slobber Pillows and Zoomies

Dear Friends,

Bweaking Nooz! Christmas is only 19 sleeps away, so if yoo are stalling to buy presents or write greeting cards, I encourage yoo to get yoor act together today, cuz eating a daily bowl of stress is no way to spend the approaching holidays.

Sadly, not everyone takes my advice. Momma didn’t design our Christmas card until two weeks ago, and then, despite calling the company to make sure envelopes were included with postcards, the envelopes did not arrive. However, because customer service was wrong, they refunded the cost of shipping. So, Momma then jumped on Prime to get them delivered the next day. And, of course, she padded that order with a few things because let’s face it, stress requires comfort, be it sugar, likker, or a little shopping spree.

'Tiz the Season to Be Bizzy

Dear Frens,

I hope by now yoo have recovered from Thanksgiving dinner where yoor tummy pushed the limits of how far yoor pants could stretch. 

At my house there was not a turkey in sight, other than in the cans of Fancy Feast our momma opened. This year my pawrents opted for Cornish Game Hens, but with the usual trimmings. Daddy did most of the cooking and Momma let him, thankful to have a husband who actually wants to cook. After years of being in the kitchen during their restaurant years, Momma swore if she never had to cook anything beyond quiche or soup, she would be happy to pass the tongs to someone else.

Thankful to be Naturally Sweet

Bweaking Nooz! Yes, I know it's time for Tuesdays with Dori, but there has been a great upset at my house and so I must inpurrrupt yoor normally scheduled progwam for ...

Last week my pawrents celebwated their annipurrsary of being meowied to each other for--  I wasn't able to get a direct quote, but I did overhear joocy rumors of  them having known each other for at least one hundred years. 

Lost in Translation

Dear Frens, this is Dori. *wavy paws*. I hope this week has started off on a good foot for yoo, without the usual drama that accompanies Mondays. Purrsonally, I don't understand the growling over the first day of the work week, but then I've never worked a day in my life. 

In fact, I don't know the meaning of work. But that's another topic for another day. Today I feel I must address something I became aware of while eavesdropping on my pawrents over the weekend. 

To set the scene, I was draped over the sofa arm with my attention focused on Momma's dinner plate while Daddy sat a few cats down at the opposite end of the sofa, shoveling his food into his mouth as fast as he could while ChauncieMarie leaned heavily into him, hoping for a bite to fall into her mouth.

The Chubby Chonkers Club and How I Lost 3 Pounds with a Purrsonal Trainer

Hi evfurrybuddy, it's me Dori *wavy paws* with another episode of Tuesdays with Dori, plus all the joocy gossip I could find while prowling the inpurrnet.

This past week I ran into fellow reporter Latte, host of News with Latte, and she told me her pawrents have started calling her a Chonkers "Fun Size" while her sisfur Ellie Mae is a "full-size" Chonkers candy bar. According to Latte, their Momma Kat is either shooing Latte away from Ellie's plate, or chasing Ellie around with a plate to get her to eat. Clearly Ellie is very pawtikular about privacy while dining, as she doesn't like being stared at while she puts food into her mouth.

I ask yoo, what woman enjoys being watched while eating? When was the last time we saw video of  Jennifer Lopez horking a bowl of plain M&M's? Actually, I heard a rumor from my Hollyweird connections that J-Lo throws tantrums when hotel maids dare to give her peanut M&M's. 

Jesse the Traveling Cat and Why I Wasn't Invited on Vacation

Hi evfurrybuddy, it's me Dori *wavy paws.* If yoo are reading this, I assume yoo have survived the weekend and the return of Monday with all it's despicable hekkishness. Purrsonally I am working on a serious letter to the gov'mint to abolish Mondays at the same time they kick Daylight Savings to the curb for once and for all.

So yoo may have noticed that I was virtually invisible last week to my social media frens. I am mortally wounded to the core of my little heart to be ignored, but my momma explained that she needed a bweak and unfortnately I was sacrificed along with her accounts and our IG Cattoon account.

It's Official. Dori Turns Professional.

 

I have exciting news! It's official. I've turned pawfessional.

Pawfessional what? Meowdel? Nooo, although I got a lot of admiring compliments when I showed off wearing my new birthday sweater with the plaid skirt.

Pawfessional Bweaking Nooz Repurrter? Nooo, although my repurrting at the Cat Olympics in 2020 is still being talking about among the judges, and charges are still pending on whether or not I had anything to do with some of the disqualifications among the competitors.

Pawfessional singer? Well, yes. My hits Purrple Underpants, Lets Go Outside and Don't You Put A Bitey (On Me) are still on the Top 10 Greatest Hits List for Pretty Tabby Cats.

But despite all of my accompliments, I'm now an pawfessional froggy hunter.

This is how it happened:

Dori's Birthday Featuring Entries From Her Adoption Diary

Hi evfurrybuddy, it’s me, Dori. *wavy paws* Guess what? Yesterday I celebrated my birthday! Nooo, I’m not wevealing how old I am cuz us wimmen need to keep some mystery as we age. 

I got lots of presents. My my favorite is a soft cushion snuggled between Momma and Daddy’s pillows where I sleep at night. I also got a small soft pink blanket with poky dots, and a little pink ball. And I got a sweater dwess with a plaid skirt. I will meowdel for yoo.

I also got Friskies Cheesy treats - a huge bag but I have to share with my fursibs. And I got a package of Churu's that I really love a lot. So I had a nice day celebrating me.

Recently my momma was purging an enormous box of papers in her office, and she came across my baby diary kept during the first months after I was rescued. I've given purrmission for her to publish the first month here for yoor viewing enjoyment.

A Severe Case of Do Too Much-itis

 

Hi everyone, it's me, Dori *wavy paws*

Well, it's been another crazy week here at Casa Wonderpurr, the place where I live. The tempurratures here in our small beachside town are already stinking up the place at 90 degrees making my pawrents sweaty and crabby. Not a good combination, I assure yoo.

This month we have been in this house two years. Yes, time is flying like hungry owls circling our Catio. Daddy continues to find stuff to repair, and Momma continues to be extremely vocal about how this house is like living in a shoe box.

Yesterday Daddy found a screw in the tire to Momma's car. Of course all four tires now need to be replaced as the car is at a certain age where stuff happens. The inside also stinks like an angry cat. However as there have been no angry cats inside the car, it's anybody's guess as to how that smell is purrmeating the inside. Mom thinks maybe a stray cat sprayed under the hood cuz that's where Daddy tucks a bag of stinky mothballs to discourage Sassy Squirrel from hiding his nut stash. He did that during the winter and also chewed the insulation around the engine.

The Struggle is Real

Greetings to all of yoo who are still reeling from the aftermath of Monday. My best intentions to banish the Cujo of weekdays and replace it with Funday has sadly failed. 

Even my nemesis Wabbit tried his best to send the M-day packing, but it came back like an unscrupulous snollygoster who just won't go away.

Go ahead and Google that word. I'll wait.

Anyway, this morning at precisely one second after midnight, Tuesday safely arrived, so yoo can all simmer down and catch yoor breaths. There's no use worrying about the inevitable until Sunday anyway.

By now I had hoped to report the completion of the novel my momma is working on, but sadly she continues to struggle to find quiet time to allow her brain to function where words flow into sentences and sentences flow into paragraphs that actually make sense. I fear the struggle is real, especially when a certain AssWabbit has his floofy foot in her back and spends his days pressuring her to work.

A Window to Positivity

Welcome to Tuesdays with Dori. *wavy paws*

My Friends, I have a good feeling about today. Yes, I spend my days behind closed doors in my castle suite because there is a crazy Wabbit running amok who is determined to hunt me like prey, but I prefer to focus on the positives in my life.

Like enjoying a toasty sun puddle shining through my private window that overlooks a beautiful garden where deer nom Daddy’s hibiscus and cute bunnies dine on fruit and veggies left by Momma.

I think of my view as a Window to Positivity.

There is a saying: “What you think about, you bring about.”

Do you actually listen to what is going on in your mind? What do you spend the most time thinking about? 

Rude Visitor at My House

 Hi evfurrybuddy! It's me, Dori. *wavy paws* 

Since moving to FloryDa we don't have many visitors at our house. Thank Cod, because the sound of the doorbell or *gasp!* strange knocking at the front door just ... just... turns me inside out.

I don't know what yoo do, but I hurl myself through the house and dive under the bed.  Typically I use a Forward Dive, but there has been occasions when I've executed a Flying Hurdle ending with a Tuck Position. I know, very complicated diving terms, but I assure yoo, I am a pawfessional and have won blue ribbons from the judges.

So yesterday started out nicely with me wakey-waking Momma at six-thirty with a patty-paw to her cheek, followed by brushing whiskers over her eyes. I knew she was awake, but she's stubborn and pretended to still sleep. So I then licked her nose until she finally got up. Of course yoo know what happened next:

Emergency Sunday Selfie

 Hi evfurrybuddy, this is Dori. *wavy paws* Yesterday I asked Momma to help me take a Selfie for the Sunday hop.

Unfortunately, Momma thinks she's funny, and when I saw my pikchure after posing, this is what I saw:

The Blessings of Easter Baskets

 

Hi evfurrybuddy! It's me, Dori *wavy paws* welcoming yoo to another Tuesdays with Dori. Except today is Thursday. We had a teknikal diffy-culty on Tuesday because our comments went into hiding. Thank yoo to Da Tabbies o Trout Towne for contacting us about this problem. So anyway, this is what my column was about on Tuesday:

 Well, Spring has sprung at my house. Pretty flowers and fragrant breezes filled with the aroma of fresh-mowed grass. Orangey-red hibiscus and Mandevilla blooming in shades of bright yellow. Mysterious wildlife skulking through our yard, hidden by the Jurrassic Park-like jungle surrounding our catio.

Sunshine Girl

 

Dear Frens,

This past week I was helping my momma purge old photos and stuff off our computer when suddenly, we found this adorable video of me playing in my backyard. Filmed two years ago before we moved to FloryDa, we watched in silence, remempurring the good times that little backyard gave us.

Our backyard was actually very big, with a creek running through the backhalf. However, as Momma told me, shortly after they moved in, my brofur Hwermie bolted out the door, and Momma had to chase him down through several yards. She was fearful he would take a sharp right and jump into the creek.

He Who Must Not Be Tolerated

 

Hello Frens, this is Dori. *wavy paws*

Today is Tuesday, and I'm feeling distwessed.

First of all, I hope yoo are experiencing fresh air and sunshine now that Spring has sprung.

At my house Daddy purrchased flowers in blue and yellow and pink to brighten up our front porch. Those are Momma's favorite colors, and make her happy. Daddy says if color makes Momma happy, then by gosh he's going to buy every blue, yellow and pink colored flower he can find.

Now that I've got the pleasantries out of the way, back to me feeling distwessed.

Yoo see, because of the restwaining odor I have against He Who Must Not Be Tolerated, I am locked in my castle suite while he runs amok throughout the house. This is not fair. It should be HWMNBT locked up all day while I run amok. However, there's a rumor going around that he had a Freedom During the Day clause put into his adoption contwact.

Pawtraits by Adorapurr

Hi evfurryone, it's me Dori. *wavy paws* Did yoo know that not only am I the host of Tuesdays with Dori, I'm also a Bweaking Nooz repurrter, Inspurrational speaker, Author's Mews, and now... a pawfessional pawtrait pawtographer. I got a Polaroid camera and I'm weally good at capturing my fursibs in honest life moments. Hope yoo enjoy.

Let a Smile Be Your Umbrella

 

Herman: Happy Umbrella Day, Dori!

Dori: I'm not feeling so happy. Purrsonally, umbwellas scare me. One minute they're narrow and behaving themselves... The next, they fling open their moufs and puff up like a Persian having a hissy fit. 

Herman: Our meowmy always says in order to get over our fears, we first must understand what we fear. 

Dori: I'm okay not getting over my fear.

Herman: Hey Dori. Remempurr the time when Daddy spent his Memorial Day weekend on his knees?

Dori: Begging Meowmy for forgiveness?