Monday, August 16, 2021

GOLDEN ASSRABBIT VOTING BEGINS



Welcome to the 1st Annual Golden AssRabbit Awards - PAWBLIC VOTING ROUND. I'm your host, Hermes LuxuryCat, aka Rabbit aka The Original AssRabbit.

While not everyone is a born AssRabbit like me, I feel, given time, they all can achieve my high standards.

With that said, I asked four unidentified judges to review the Nomination Bios, and, using my Soopurr Doopurr AssRabbit Stress-O-Meter, divide them into three categories:

After the Nominees were divided into the categories, they were asked to pick their choice for the winner of the Golden AssRabbit trophy. The winner was based on which Fur caused the blood pressure to raise for three out of four judges.

The reason why we had the Judges pick the winner of the Golden AssRabbit is to avoid popularity conflicts. Listen, we had to go the Ends of the Earth to find at least two judges who have no idea who you guys are. Yeah, I know. Nearly impossible! We were one step from knocking on the door to the Sunset Codger Care Rest Home to ask for Judge volunteers when finally two clueless hoomons crossed our path. 

Since 50% of the Judges did not know the history of the nominees, they could only vote based on the entry alone. 

Based on your votes, the winner of each Category will win a Trophy. 

Now, I invite you to cast your votes. 

Under each Category, vote for your First Choice. One per category. 
i.e. You are casting 3 votes total.

You can submit your votes two ways:

1. Leave a comment in this post. We will not publish any of the votes, so have no worries your vote remains confidential. 

OR

2. Vote by Direct Message in Instagram @Hermes_LuxuryCat.

Remember - you are voting for one who qualifies best for each category below:

 

Boo_Bella_Tigger (Tigger)


It’s monsoon season in Arizona, with rain, rain, and more rain along with lightning and Noah’s Ark rounding the corner. Well, around midnight Mom couldn’t find me since I wasn’t in her bed or any of the other beds. She got DadCat up and they both went outside in the pouring drain to look for me, with thunder and lightning flashing and wind blowing so hard the wicker furniture blew over. They were calling and calling for me, and I wasn’t answering. Mom then returned inside, bawling like a baby. She decides to call the Fire Department. And while she’s dialing 911 and crying, she happens to look up and… lo and behold! There I am perched on the top of the breakfast nook valance. I had a great view of them outside in the storm looking for me. Mom yells, “John, get in here” and since she’s still on the phone with the Fire Department, they think something horrible is happening. Especially when she hangs up on them. So, the Fire Department dispatches the big red hook and ladder, as well as a police car and an ambulance…all because Mom hung up on them. Since we live only three blocks from the Fire Station, they could probably hear her screaming bloody murder over the phone and down the street. Good thing our taxes covered all that public servant response.

Chef_Aussie_Angel


Well, apparently I did a bad thing. Humanz gave me a nice bowl of the best nip ever! Probably because I'm always cheffing for them, creating exquisite cuisine. Anyway, the nip was really Primo, and I enjoyed a hearty sniff. As it was my night off from cheffing, my Humanz turned their attention to making dinner. The trouble started when they saw me squatting over the nip bowl. Hey, I had to wee! What a big fuss they made. Like they're never ever wee'd in a bowl of nip themselves. So now I'm not allowed around nip unattended. I don't know what the big deal is. So I wee wee'd in the nip. Phfffft!

FarfelsTheGamblingCat


I’ve been naughty lately and giving my pawrents a run for their money. I say I’m preparing them for the baby. I have been waking my parents up at 2:30, 3:30 and 5am for cuddles. I usually scream at them from outside their door, or I jump up on the dresser and play patty cake with myself, banging the mirror against the wall. I also do the same to the laundry room door, or any other door around. My mom picks me up and brings me into bed where I demand hugs and cuddles, and for her to scratch me under my chin until I’m satisfied, which usually takes half an hour. Then I let her sleep again for a couple of hours. I also demand to get my breakfast promptly. My mom leaves me kibble as snacks, but that’s not breakfast. She needs to get up and feed me.

KingMiles2018


Furriends, Mom and I are upset and it is all her fault. I did nothing wrong! While handling Husky and Bailey Butt Biter (my newest fursib) for their crazy zoomies, I snuck out the back door. Likely, when Mom was telling them to take it outside while holding the door open. Mom got the dogs out, then proceeded to put the couch in an upright position, since it had been knocked over and was on its back. I'm telling ya, there is good time pawty here every day! Willow came out and started asking for treats (obviously to tell on me - snitch!) which is when Mom realized I was missing. I am ALWAYS ready for a treat. Needless to say Mom was freaking the fluff out, while looking for me. She was terrified at the varying prospects of things going terribly wrong for me. Fortunately, Mom found me hiding in the bushes, meowing at her, she grabbed me and took me inside. She was grateful, relieved, but oddly upset. I was out for 10 minutes, but it seemed like forever to her. She claims anything could have happened to me, especially since it was dark. I will admit it was scary for me too, so I immediately went to my favorite bed to rest. So that was heart attack number 100,000,000+ for Mom, caused by me. But it wasn't intentional I just wanted to explore and don't understand why she doesn't approve. Something about cars, coyotes, getting sick or lost, blah, blah, blah! Mom declared she must put me in another room when she lets the dogs out. Pfft. What is the fun in that? Mom is still shaken by it and feels awful she didn't immediately notice I was out.

Misty.s_World

I am an artist. My project was once a living room chair which I have been meticulously, albeit slowly, carving into a work of art. At the time of the above photo I had been working on it for three years. Now a year and a half later, I'm still not finished. I'm committed to purrfection and I just can't stop until I believe it expresses exactly what I want to say. Or... until it completely falls apart. My uncultured pawrents do not appreciate fine art, and they suppress my creative genius at every opportunity. In the above photo you can see me chiseling away at my masterpiece, actively expressing my inner feelings, which are quite often merely an innate desire to destroy. 

Sven_TurkishVan

I can NEVER find my hairbrush. Sven steals it almost daily. He hides it under my bed, in the cupboard and sometimes I find it in the cat tower. He tends to try to eat it, and if I try to remove it from him, he will just steal it back at some point
GingyPaws


My contribution to this contest is … Bringing in semi-dead prey and dropping it on a sleeping guest’s head in the middle of the night. Seriously… I thought they might want a midnight snack.
MyBoyKeif


I “hide” behind things to jump out and pounce on my sisfur, Lucky. She hates it. When I get her, she yells very loudly and growls at me. It just makes me keep trying!



ChessieTheTripodCat

I'm known for  pushing the heat convector off its stand just for the heck of it. Also I like to steal milkcake (an Indian sweet made from milk and cream that I like but my hoomans rarely let me eat) from the box in the pantry in the middle of the night. What can I say? I have a sweet tooth. But mostly I like to hide near the hallway where I like to sit and wait for the hoomans to walk by so I can casually put out my paw and trip them. The hoomans tried, more than once, to switch its place. But everytime they move it, I meow my disapproval constantly and be all melodramatic until they are forced to put it back where I want it. So now they all literally have to look out every single time before crossing the hallway, much like crossing a road, even when they are in a hurry coz they know I’d be there…with my eyes glinting with mischief.

Jazzy_Jazz_and_the_Furry_Bunch (Jazzy)

I absolutely did not contribute to the destruction of Mum’s Ugg boots.


LibbyW85 (Gabby)

Gabby is nominated for the crime of climbing into the dropped ceiling in the basement, and then playing “catch me if you can.” Her Dad was worried she would venture into the other part of the basement that has a regular, solid ceiling. Gabby learned some new words that evening.

LollyCatRex

Prince sat in my favorite bed… Need I say more? Also, I bit grandma because she pet me “the wrong way.”


MarleytheFuffaloSoldier

The Cat Burglar - When Marley was a kitten, before we got wise, he would break into the treat cabinet to steal the treats. CatMom and CatDad blamed each other for leaving it open until we realized he could open the cabinet and open the drawers. He also would sneak into the dresser drawers to roll around in the unmentionables, smearing his fur onto everything. That’s how he was ultimately busted. CatMom knew CatDad didn’t smear orange fur onto those things.

Momo_FluffyCat - Momo

Hi Wabbit. You may have your DoriDeer, but I have my majestic fangs plunged deep into our Christmas deer, my brofur Max, and any stuffed animal that crosses my path. But my biggest, most baddest skill (which drives Meowmy to insanity I’m happy to say) are my escapes. Not escapes like Max who hides and giggles in kitchen cabinets. Pa-leez! I do REAL escapes. Like the neighbor’s balcony. The view is so much better there. I’ve also inspected almost all other apartments on my floor. How? Very simple: I sit in front of door. When door opens, I melt their soul with my sweet eyes. There you go. Also, I can stick nose in all types of purrrsonal stuff.

Momo_FluffyCat - Max


I can fly, you know. Meowmy even gave me wings, but I really don’t need those. I once was about to show her and had stepped through the railing of our balcony on the 11th floor. There is a 1 inch ledge, not big enough for big brother Mo, but purrfect for me. I felt so free! Then I remembered there is grass down below. I don’t like grass underneath my feet. Not worth it. So, I walked back through the railing. Meowmy looked white like my fur. Not sure why.

Pufinopolous

I love to leap and get zoomies daily. When the family leaves the windows open, I leap into them to smell the air and maybe kill a bug. Frequently, I forget Meowm is in bed and will jump on her face, scare her aware and sometimes give a little scratch. What can I say? I love an open window. One day I encouraged my little brother to jump up too. I gave him a nudge. Meowm says a push. Well, the screen broke, and he flew two stories down to the ground. He never told me he could fly. Anyway, I got grounded, and earned the name Demon Hell Spawn. *takes bow*

RockyPenniped (Sebastian)


Rocky Pinniped nominates Sebastian for knocking down fly strip, getting it wrapped in his tail fur, running laps through the house, biting Mama when she removed it, and then trying to suffocate Mama in her sleep for having trimmed his tail fur.
Timmy_Tomcat (Rumpy)


This is a true story of me being my kindly self. The bed has had our sleeping spots staked out since there were dinosaur cats. I sleep on the bottom left, Fitz the bottom Right, Toby cuddled with Dad's leg kinda left middle and Einstein middle kinda right. That is where Dad puts his little suckle blankie. Can you believe a 6-year-old suckling? Yeah, real Man Cat there, fella! Anyhow, that sets the stage. So, Dad was reading, and I was sleeping. I awoke feeling kindly towards my kin. I proceeded to visit Ms Fitz. I stood (Dad says I was Looming. Can you imagine? Looming MOL) over her but she was sound asleep. I prodded her, very gently I may add, whereupon she took offense, stood, and proceeded to give me her quick paw jab. OK, maybe 3 as they are super-fast. Really rude right! But she is a lightweight, me a heavyweight. Two whaps and it's over, she turns tail and... I mean she leaves.

Dad says "RUMPY" recognizing my skill. I walk over to my spot. I then circle clockwise to the suckle kid who is curled asleep. I could feel the mental vibrations from him: "I. Want. To. Play. Now." So, I jumped on him, and we started wrestling. Can you believe after I took time to play with him, he did a Bitey on me? He has a zoom-fast-snake-head-zip-forward Bitey. Einstein, dood, I have Floof, thick Floof. I Bitey Back. He whaps. I whap. Him, I did Loom on. I mean. The Nerve! He leaves post haste.

Smart. Dad says "RUMPY WHAT ARE YOU DOING." He is curious. He wants to know so he can tell me to do it again. So, Toby was awake by now and as I went close, to give him a manly man cat hug mind you, he gave me his Big Hiss. Now Toby is a man cats man cat. His Hiss curls paint off the walls, melts ice, is the thing kittens wake Mom over. So, I amble over, and I get the WHAP! Not a Miss Fitz jab, jab, jab but a WHAP with Claws. Owchie. I admit, I flinched. I squinted. You would too, but I am bigger, younger, and dumber smarter! "I was just going to give you a hug" I meow. This throws him off his timing and as he looks at me with a "Huh?" I give him a big overhead Whap ducking back and squinting, just in case he has another one in him. Nope, he Jets. Dad just stares in awe at how amazing I am. He gives me the nose tap of appreciation. Twice! Guess who got to lay on Dad's leg, this guy! Rumpy Bump Stumpnots

Dad: "Rumpy that's not what happened. You just walked around the bed whapping everyone in turn! You are an Ass-Hat"

Rumpy: Ahh, but my version has Panache! O old one! MOL



It'sMeKevin_TheCat

Twice she needed stitches. Once she got so infected by my love scratches and bites, she went on antibiotics for a month.

JuniWookieeandStevie - Juno

Here I am “petting” my brother Morgan. I’m not trying to strangle him or anything like that – for realz.

Kitties.Blue - Sawyer

I am not really a bad cat. I would say that I am inconsiderate and thoughtless. I am not even certain my humans would call ee bad. They would probably go with naughty. Naughty enough to earn me the nickname of “shit head.” 
It all started when I decided to take a little walkabout around the neighborhood. When I turned around and looked at Mom with an expression that screamed, “neener, neener,” and then went poof and disappeared, I should have suspected right away that I would be in trouble. But wanderlust had taken hold, and I was off on an epic adventure. That epic adventure lasted three-and-a-half weeks, but I had no idea. I can tell time. I know exactly when to show up for my meals and treats, but the passage of time is pretty much beyond my comprehension. I discovered that I have a really terrible sense of direction as well. I had wandered a mile away in the opposite direction from where I had started. I do know I got darn hungry and when someone started putting treats and stinky goodness along the sidewalk near the house where I had been spotted, I couldn’t help myself. It took a couple of hours, but finally I started to sneak out of the shadows, have a few nibbles then hide again. Eventually I saw who had placed the bowls as she kept moving them closer to where she was waiting. When I realized it was my mom, I started letting her get a bit closer each time before I would run off again. Finally, I let her sit down right next to me. She talked to me and let me smell her fingers. But I did not jump into her arms or lap or make any move to let her know I was happy to see her. After a long chat by her, she grabbed me. It was then I realized she wasn’t just bringing me food so I could continue my adventure. She was catnapping me.
I guess that is when I turned from naughty to BAD! I hollered and growled and snarled and hissed. I bit her over and over again until she got my head wrapped up in her t-shirt. I clawed her and scratched her until her clothes were covered in blood, but she didn’t let go. I was so mad, especially when she got to the car, wrapped me up in a towel and stuffed me in the PTU. I was certain I would suffocate, and I made her worry. I never make a peep when I am in a PTU on the way to and from the vet. And I didn’t make a peep on the way home. She even jostled the PTU to see if I would move. I did. I shouldn’t have. The amazing thing occurred when I got home: I didn’t get any punishment any more than I had been by that rough capture and transport. I did have to start taking my meds again. I also was sequestered in the bathroom and then in our large, portable, pop-up enclosure until I could see the vet. I got lots and lots of stinky goodness and treats, as I did lose a lot of weight. Though I was the one who was naughty, I have forgiven my mom for her grabby hands. Before my adventure, I slept next to my dad 90 percent of the time. Now I am sleeping glued to my mom’s side. And I am letting her give me the kisses on my head that she likes. I guess I am finally glad to be home. The catio, four squares a day, treats, toys and the companionship are pretty nice. I can’t say I won’t be bad, naughty, thoughtless or inconsiderate anytime in the future. I am a cat after all. 

MarshmallowPaw


If I am not allowed on the rooftop, I will pee on the floor or on Meowmy’s stuff. I peed on her bag and wanted her to take it with her to work. Unfortunately, it was a holiday, so she washed it. Next time I will check the calendar to make sure there are no days off. Meowmy also got a new food bag that she hid so well inside bags and put heavy stuff on it so I could not know what it is. She woke up at the sound of me, pushing the heave stuff, found my way to open the cardboard box, open the cat food bag and eat. My food bowl was not empty. Also, I once stole the treats bag. Meowmy caught me in the act, and I ran under the bed to eat them. I don’t know why she says I only get two small pieces per day while the bag is full. Recently Meowmy was too lazy to hide a small food bag. She put it high inside the closet. She woke up when she heard me pulling the bag down, with the food clattering all over the room floor. In addition to cat art, I’m also good at artistic bloody scratches on her hands while playing. I went for a walk on a leash, but broke off when I saw the Lady Cat Neighbor. I pulled so hard on the leash, it opened and I broke free. My meowmy thought it was the last time she would ever see me. While she was shaking with fear, I decided to relax under an ATV. When Meowmy pulled me out, I was black from the car dirt and oil. My baddest story is when Meowmy thought I’d died. I entered somewhere on the rooftop where there is dead space nine floors high. Turns out there are two openings, and I entered the first, and exited the second. I also escaped the house three or four times. The first time a neighbor knocked on our door asking “Do you have a big white cat? He is lost on the stairs.” The second and third times, I went to the rooftop alone and stayed there without anyone knowing. The fourth time I went to the rooftop alone by escaping home but this time I decided to sit on the stairs to be seen by my parents.


PretzelKitteh


Dis doo be ma entry into da mazing #assrabbit awards. Here is me showing ah is da mazing hunter and fighter. Ma favourite going to doos is bring mama da mousie at about 2am and lets it go in da bedroom so she can gets her cardio in… Ah also likes to make sure ma mama and papa gets Dee protein regularly. As you can see ah offers da wide range of proteins for der delictations.

VOTING RECAP

1. Leave a comment in this post. We will not publish any of the votes, so have no worries your vote remains confidential. 

OR 2. Vote by Direct Message in Instagram @Hermes_LuxuryCat.

Remember - you are voting for one who qualifies best for each category.


Voting runs from Monday August 16th through Wednesday August 18th 6:00 p.m. EST.

The Winners of the Golden AssRabbit Awards will be announced on Friday, August 20th here on this blog, and also on all Instagram, Twitter and Facebook accounts for the Wonderpurr Gang.

Thank you all for taking the time to vote. 


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